After thought

Lots of things has been going on through my mind lately. Maybe it is due to Ramadhan , who knows. It does give me time to reflect more . What is more important yesterday seems to be insignificant today. What I thought I wanted to achieve yesterday seems a total waste of time for me now.
With what is going now with our plan, it is all in pipeline. Nothing seems definite. Sometimes I just don't want to dwell in the matter anymore.

I can't remember the last time that I wasn't worried about the future. When I was a student, the only thing that was required of me was to pass my exams. I didn't even think about going any further. When the time came, it was only then I though I wanted to go further. While I was in college, I didn't even think about what will happen if I don't get through with my Scottish Higher.All I could think was, the next exam or the next club night (hehe).

Then as faith unfolds, I landed at Uni.. as like my college years all I had to worry about is about were exams. Everything else was an adventure, every laughter, tear, heartbreak, breakfast, lunch , dinner, part time jobs, summer jobs etc.

I had a plan in mind when I jumped into the rat race. How I survive this long , I wonder. Years ago, I told one of my best friend that, money to me is never important. I have seen what it has done to people, how it changes a person. I am content to just having enough. Then I wonder , how did I end up being one of those people who keeps on trying to earn more money yet feel so trapped. Such conflicted aim and action.

When I was single, my plan might have still been on course. NO I am not blaming marriage, but perhaps marriage has changed my perspective. It is a fine line and hardly visible at times = to loose oneself. I always try not to loose my independence, I believe that no matter who we are with, one must never loose sight of their own identity.

It is really hard to make plans when I don't even know what will happen tomorrow. Sure live life one day at a time. But how do I know that this is the best option? Guess I will never know until tomorrow comes.

I have lost few friends and gained new ones. Due to their actions, words and opinions. Maybe I am hard headed, but I have learned the hard way, not to prolong communication with people who put me down and think that I am not living my life the right way.It is too much head ache to deal with. Sometimes it is the best way, a gap. This is what you get as you grow older, you will soon realise who are really your true friends. Something that I never believe when my sisters told me.

Such is life, always learning something new about it. Wouldn't be exciting if it was mundane and worry free eh